the abyss of never enoughs

as the time passes by the only thing i wonder is who made me this. its all my fault. the grind is insane. nothing is ever good enough. everything has to be better. i have to be better myself. harvard? fuck no. yale. 170? what about 179? 180? when will it be good enough. i bought some pills. some drugs. and at this moment i realized i fell deep deep inside the abyss. the abyss of being better. prettier. smarter. the abyss of never enoughs. when do you become drug addict? when you spend tonn of money on pills instead a new bag you wanted for so long? or when you hide your pills from everybody else? what if my brain shuts down? and the worst part is i do not think i care. i need the result now. i need to get that score now. there is never enough. nor there ever be.